无题

站在泥沼中

拼命 挣扎
用力 解脱

但 却越陷越深

烦恼
越想看得开
它 越出现在眼前

越想把手打开
却 反而抓得更紧

一再的尝试 一再的改变

只要轻轻的 慢慢的
解开这无形的束缚
人 可过得更轻松 更自在

The Dawn of Pitchoun

Have not been blogging for the longest time....time to say good bye to my altered ego - Esteem M....and it's time to move on...been living in the past for way too long....it was heartening to see how each and everyone had grown and matured in the last 5 years and so should I...

Good bye, Esteem M...Hello, Pitchoun...

Life's a journey....a never ending discovery...a never ending celebration...

Beat the Sunrise

Completing my maiden full marathon at the Adidas SunDown Marathon 2010 had definitely been wrought with many challenges...despite having stomach flu since Thursday, I am still glad that I managed to beat the sunrise with my stomach churning and calf cramping though a little disappointed at a 6.04hr finish which was a whole 30mins off my expected time. Well, it was really a race of mental power over the physical pain and definitely an experience

First half of the race was strong despite my stomach is slightly bloated and churning, I was still about 6-7mins ahead of my expected timing at good pace and was not exerting really hard. But it really hit me towards the 21k mark when my calves started to tighten and cramped up. I know I had to slow down and try to ease the muscles...That's when the rhythm of the run was greatly affected...was trying to beat the odds that hit me all the same time between 21k to 28k ...Z-monster, the stomach, the calves...trying to keep myself focus but I guess I had to say I failed...the pain was making me weak...The long monotonous route and the lack of cheering crowd definitely did not help...The cheering support was really much lacking and many zombie-fied runners did not help boost that morale...

However, must really give thanks to all other support and cheering crew from the various running groups...they made ECP come alive at some spots to spur the runners on. Must really say a BIG THANK YOU to all the support and cheering crew...if without you guys and girls I would have given up after 21k when my calves start cramping up and the stomach just can't stop turning like a washing machine. Need to make a special mention and give thanks to the Team FatBird support crew at the National Sailing Club, "Madam Sergeant Major" Esther Tay, your "Don't walk! Run!!!" scream at the face of all the tired runners and some of the tired runners were saying "Wah! Army training ah"...really reminded me of the Strepsils advertisement...haha..., Also to Lilian, Johnny and SC Toh, thanks for the "Sng Bao" and it definitely gave me the boost all the way to Changi Coastal Road...despite me already slipping my 30km timing. Lucky for the morale booster, I was able to cover some time all the way till Changi Coastal Road...

The final stretch was sheer mental torture with me cursing and swearing along the way and the distances never seem to be shortening...every 1km seems so far away...Felt a little more relieved when I saw the turn into the Aviation Park road after 39k mark for the last stretch...at this point of time I keep telling myself to keep focus, breath and the end is not far...just 2+k more...but I was wrong...haha...it was a very long 2k!! Upon reaching the 40k mark, I almost broke down in tears...I finally broke the 40k mark...however, there is still another 2k more...and this runner behind me started chanting "Finisher T, Finisher T, Finisher T" as he tried to pick up his pace...The place was dark and long and yet I cannot see the end point and it was quite de-moralising...it was quite an emotional roller-coaster...till I finally saw the finishing line and heard the MC called out my Bib No. and Name...Frankly by then I guess I was already tearing when I cross the finishing line and glad to see familiar faces of Ck Chin, Susie and Sylvia calling out to me at the finishing line...was very grateful especially to the 2 sweet ladies who had completed their half marathons 6-7 hours before and stayed behind to cheer us on...

Definitely great memories and comradeship that I will always cherish...Now time to recover well and recuperate....Looking to become stronger...to earn another feather to my hat!!

Towards a new Decade - A Reflection....

Finally the last few hours to the end of 2009 cometh...time pass so fast in 2009 and soon we will be in the new decade of the 21st century. Wow...

As usual there had been many ups and downs as in the years passed...but am grateful to the Special someone who had been there supporting me all this while and cheering me on in whatever I do...taking all my tantrums and impatience....you know who you are lah...I know I can be such a child and rascal sometimes and really thank you for your patience and care and love and always being there for me and really hope that the next decade would see us stronger and this bond will not break *hugz*

Looking back at 2009....working life apart (which is better left unsaid...hahaha), I really did not expect myself to be able to accomplish so much more in running. Besides S support with all the encouragement in your dreams and dress me up with all the gears, I am grateful to a group of new found running enthusiast too. FatBirds...really glad to be able to flock with you all...guys and gals....you all are such an inspiration and motivation to push me further...Seeing that there is really no age or medical barrier to keep fit and be healthy...

Lastly, I am very happy that I am finally able to fulfill my 2007 resolution (yes 2 years late...thanks to procrastination and lack of confidence...haha...) to do my first 21k Half Marathon. 2009 had really see me stronger and running most races I have ever done for the last 15 years since National Service (wow...yeah I am so old liow...hahha...but still doing reservist...haiz)

Races in 2009

==========

Yellow Ribbon Prison Run (10k - my 1st sub 1-hour race) - 59mins 27sec

Nike Human Race (10k) - 1hr 07mins

NB Real Run(15k) - 1hr 51mins

StanChart Singapore Marathon (21k) - 2hr 24mins

Now time to reflect and set new goals...Happy New Year lah!!!

Races planned for 2010

=================

11 Apr - 2XU Compress Run (Sentosa)

29 May - Adidas Sundown Marathon

Aug - Army Bay Run

10 Oct - Newton 30k Challenge

Dec - StanChart Singapore Marathon

Yellow Ribbon Prison Run 2009

1st run for the year 2009.

The journey to the run did not really started well. Despite waking up at 5.30am with every things prep the night before, leaving at 6.00am still was obviously not good enough.

Hiccup 1 - MRT towards Pasir Ris was delayed but no public announcement was made. You'll be surprise to see such a crowd at the station at 6.00am on a Sunday....Hmm...waited for almost half an hour for a train to arrive.

Hiccup 2 - Shuttle bus from Singapore Expo was caught in a traffic jam to the start point. Took the 6.55am shuttle bus but reached Changi Village only at 7.25am. Well, all thanks to all those kiasu people who wanted to try their luck driving to the start point despite the organiser's advice not to....can see people parking along the road and slip raods...haiz....

Hiccup 3 - Baggage point to the start point was like 1 km away!! Guess it must have been difficult to find a right location for the for all the logistics. But the baggage point point and start point on the map certainly did not say it was 1 km away! (Awww...the fineprint says map not drawn to scale...hahaha) Hmm...from Changi Village Hawker Centre to Changi Air Base....figure out the distance...

The run had already been flagged off when finally reaching the start point....so no warm ups (luckily from all the walk to the start point, the legs are kind of warmed up) and Ready, Steady, Poom Bi Bi. The weather drizzled a little but luckily it held out throughout the run. The race route was narrow and the crowd was larger than expected. But it was kind of good forcing a slow paced start. The route was a little tougher with many uphills and downhills but generally the run was in good form and the breathing was consistent. This is one of the better runs so far and able to finish off to a sub-1-hour timing. But am really perplexed by the stupidity of a race route to have a U-turn before the last stretch to the finishing line after a down slope run. Oh well....I guess they need to make up for the 10k distance

The final hiccup must have been the baggage collection. The trucks did not arrive till almost 10am due to the road closure.....hmmm...wonder if there had been a dry run prior to this. When they finally arrived, it was another chaos...despite the well planned queues, the baggage were mixed up between the trucks. Too bad, did not have a camera to take down all the runners becoming "bidders" on the floor raising up their number tags, as if bidding for our belongings. Hahaha....

After the baggage collection, it started to drizzle again just when Mr. VIP Teo is taking his leave after all the I don't know what is going on at the main tentage....'cos half the time I queuing for something (from Goodie Bag, Sports Massage, Food & Beverage and Baggage....hmmm...damn I missed the Anderson Ice Cream queue)...haha

Oh well the last queue is to queue for the Shuttle Bus back to Expo....

anyone lived in a pretty how town

anyone lived in a pretty how town

(with up so floating many bells down)
spring summer autumn winter
he sang his didn't he danced his did.

Women and men (both little and small)
cared for anyone not at all
they sowed their isn't they reaped their same
sun moon stars rain

children guessed (but only a few
and down they forgot as up they grew
autumn winter spring summer)
that noone loved him more by more

when by now and tree by leaf
she laughed his joy she cried his grief
bird by snow and stir by still
anyone's any was all to her

someones married their everyones
laughed their cryings and did their dance
(sleep wake hope and then)they
said their nevers they slept their dream

stars rain sun moon
(and only the snow can begin to explain
how children are apt to forget to remember
with up so floating many bells down)

one day anyone died i guess
(and noone stooped to kiss his face)
busy folk buried them side by side
little by little and was by was

all by all and deep by deep
and more by more they dream their sleep
noone and anyone earth by april
with by spirit and if by yes.

Women and men (both dong and ding)
summer autumn winter spring
reaped their sowing and went their came
sun moon stars rain

-by E.E. Cummings

深拥

作词：梁文福　作曲：梁文福　演唱：王邦吉

爱情他住在你的没有地址的心里
我写好一封一封决定　欲寄不能寄

你说过一片沧海只有一次曾经
此刻我拥着你的今夕　仿佛拥着梦境

拥着你的现在　拥着你的过去
拥着所有也许　我就是你的也许

拨着你的黑发　拨着你的忧虑
将你所有情绪　都扣在我的衣襟

每个春夏秋冬都会过去
经过你的我的耳边眼底
只有温柔不去　陪伴着我和你

天冷 － 一定要再回来

很奇怪的，又是在戏落幕后才写下观后感。也许是还在沉淀被它的感动与惊喜。 其实从五一劳动节看了《天冷》后，就一直不停的重复听著原声带。就如2007年，不能不说对梁文褔老师的填词功力佩服不已。每一字每一段词都是那么的淒美感人，2009年似乎再次让我重新认识每一首歌，再一次被感动。今年，对好几首歌，如《深拥》、《戒情人》和 《另一首歌另一个伤心的故事》，有更深的感受。尤其是《深拥》， 在07年的时候并没有给我很多感触，相隔两年， 也是在这幕让我的眼泪决提。 如今听这首歌时，还是会有很多画面，让我有很深很深的感触。尤其一个人听这首歌的时候，还是常会听得眼眶湿湿的。哈哈，真没用。

2009年，《天冷》做了一些调整，加了机场离别的那一幕和改了最后一场不再是回新卖“新加坡派”，让我觉得整出戏更完整了。演员吗，除了主要演员如George，Joanna，Windson，Ric，林燮毅，黃家強外，也加入了石欣卉，刘俊葳 （Jeffery），彭達文（Oliver）。多了一些不同火花和感受。虽然会有一些先入为主的看法，对演员的唱功还是觉得有一点参差不齐，但主要演员默契似乎有所已提升， 故事也比较完整，所以会觉得这次还是不错看哟。

天冷， 是否该回来？一定要，一定要再回来。即使是再等5年，也一定要回来。

Bemused

“I’m in this Book! On page 73!" As justification for calling herself The Feminist Mentor and demanding respect for the elders.

[snipplets from the sideline]

“What book is she talking about that she’s on page 73 of?”
“Dunno. Maybe the Bible. She’s saying God appointed her on page 73,”

[snipplets]

Haha...

Wonders how one can self-proclaim herself as a mentor just because she is being mentioned in a "dunno what" book? And demand for respect. If you don't respect others and yet wants to be respected as an elder? Haha...you see those priority seats are occupied by those youngsters who care less?

Try to learn to earn that respect first doc...

[snipplets from The Sunday Times]

Later, she told The Sunday Times she was surprised by the 'anger' and 'vehemence' she felt from the Aware members. 'It's very scary,' she said. 'What is happening to women in Singapore?'

[snipplets]

I am really amused by her reactions and it nearly makes me fall off the bench. Has she been living in her ivory tower since the whole saga she had single-handedly orchestrated, did she think that the whole world is still on her side?

BTW, why her law firm not provide free legal counsel to her mentees causing them to incur $90000 to get a legal advice to step down base on "courtesy, custom and common sense"?

Ouch...did the rock just dropped on someone's foot?

Fine & Pay Cuts

Well, it's amusing how big corporates make the news these days....

Change

Being a human being is such a complex thing and sometimes I really do not know what a person should do. So much so for the last US presidential election where change is such a good thing. But in real life change may not be such a good thing after all.

I always ask myself if I should be who I am or should I change myself to suit into the society? Yes I'm quite an anti-social person (which I often use the word SHY to cover up). I don't like to make small talk, to be caught in a socializing situation with strangers, even picking up the phone to make that call. However, sometimes one cannot be living in the world of your own or just in the circle where we are comfortable with. 

Yes, I know that I complain lots about having to be caught in socializing situations I do no like to be in. At work, I hate to be caught in situation where I need to talk to the senior management, people who try too hard to sell themselves or credit monger, people whom I have a different frequency. But stop to look at them, sometimes these are people who influences your promotion, your bonus and your project progress and like it or not, your appraisal. So how now brown cow? Yeah, I have to don that fake smile and act to be sociable. People would say "Just be yourself!" but is being yourself as easy as you thought? It's your work at stake. Maybe some may say because I'm ambitious. But hey don't you complain about not getting that promotion or bonus when the time comes. Let's be realistic.  This is life. Be seen or be forgotten. Call me a hypocrite, but I guess this is the facts of life.

Ever find myself in a situation where I have no professional guidance to turn to for advice? May it be bank loans, legal or medical issues, or whatsoever? Being a closeted hermit myself. Being comfortable with not socializing can be a bane in life. Always feel myself handicapped in life because I have got no life line? Yes I know, why should I force myself into doing things I do not enjoy even after work? But I realize this it the facts of life. No pain no gain.

So should I continue to complain my CO do not know who I am up till the last day of my ICT. Should I still be brooding over the fact that the boss did not rank me fairly for my efforts. 

When I decide to take small steps of change, to open up my social circle. Instead of being encouraged, I get sniped. One may say I'm losing myself to the dark forces of ambitions. One may say I've changed to be not who they know anymore. One may say I care less of people around me who cares greatly of me.

So is change really a good thing? Or maybe change is not such a good thing afterall if I can't balance it. 

Is the new media being overly self-righteous?

我 又錯了？

你 不语 我 不悟

我 不安 你 不理 

我 又做错了什么？

《生活与生存》

非常高兴自己没有错过这一出舞台剧，买票时是冲著(偶像)张艾嘉和王耀庆，而对郑元畅的舞台功力有一丝丝怀疑，但看了后真的为之一亮！ 唷，郑元畅还不赖喔！

《生活与生存》, 可说是这几年看的华语舞台剧里，一出演员实力都非常强的戏，所有的(13个)演员都非常的棒！但听说第一场演出 （30－01－09 星期五）有很多技术问题，演出还一度中断重演，3个小时的戏，拖了4个小时。很庆幸，昨天是如此的完美，一气呵成。

也许说《生》没有太多惊喜，但编剧却能把很多办公室的所见所闻一幕幕的展现出来。

序幕 －上班，电梯，大伙儿的无精打采，哈欠和有的没的 gossips，不就是上班的缩影？

开会 － 高层的勾心，尔虞我诈，低层在pantry的gossips。淇淇渴望能和高层开会，李想不知自己该做什么，还有斑斑被叫进会议室时的战战兢兢，以为自己出头了。 他人的羨煞，以为他被重视，结果只是被叫进去take lunch orders。虽然有点老掉牙，但都不经让我发笑。

梦 － 梦境的那一段舞蹈，演员的协调度很高，很精彩。唷，张艾嘉不止会导会演会编，还会跳舞喔！ 哈哈哈。

最后晚餐 － 演员的独白，说出了不论是高层或低层都有各自的不安。在这场戏里，演员的默契，整场戏的流动，简直是无间。道出了每个人物的内心最黑暗的世界。我们不也每天都有这样的独白？

张艾嘉 （张威），一直以来都很被她的声音吸引，演技温而不火，整出戏看得很舒服，。虽然不像Meryl Streep 在 The Devil Wears Prada 的那么 diva 但她的却是一条华丽的蛇，慢慢的把众人吞食。

王耀庆（大为），在《太阳花》里一人饰二角就被他的演技刮目了，这次也不例外。尤其最后跳楼那一幕的视觉震撼，总觉得如果不是王耀庆，就带不出那段精彩。

郑元畅 （李想），演技虽没有很大的惊喜，就是一個大男孩。但的确看得出他的努力，咬字清楚了许多，他的声音还蛮有磁力的。

杨淇 （淇淇），张艾嘉的另一爱徒。戏里没太大的发挥，但歌声还让人眼之一亮。童安格的《其实你不懂我的心》唱得很有味道。

另外在去年《现代水浒传》里百变的两位女演员，今年也参与了演出，谢盈萱（苏菲）和林钰玲（冬梅，夏荷，秋菊）在戏中也很亮眼。尤其林钰玲在戏中饰旁白和分饰三位性格各异的女秘书－ 吹熄了老板生日蜡烛的冬梅，带着法文名字豪放辞职的夏荷，颤抖茶杯的秋菊都带出了非常了不起娱乐效果。

资深的朱宏章（仲平），超级跑龙套的陈恭铭（快递，司机，吴副董），搞怪二宝彭浩秦（斑斑）和林英杰（浩浩），性感的吴天葳（嘉玲），规规矩矩的庄凯勋（沈凯），健硕的黄健玮（孙强），都是硬底子的舞台演员。 让这场演出完整又华丽的呈现。

《生》的舞台设计或许很单调不起眼，一景到底，只是一个楼梯状的3D空间，但却能变化成不同的场景，证明了舞台设计的用心。每一个梯级都好像代表了人，在生存中都得努力往上爬，直到最高的那一级。尤其演员出场时，张威和仲平大多都是从高处往下走，似乎象征了他们的权威，高高在上，俯视著下属。剧末，仲平也爬累了决定放弃所有，要求张威和他一起回到过去平淡的日子，也帶出了高处不胜寒的孤单。或许是我想太多了。哈哈哈。

很佩服编剧(张艾嘉，林奕华与王纪尧共同创作) 能让观众对所描述的  office culture and politics 简而易懂的得到共鸣。一开场，李想所说的“为什么人人都说黑色星期五，我看应该是黑色星期一才对！” ，不就说出了很多上班族的心声。当然有些  critics会说剧本没惊喜，角色太多又没有鲜明的人物发展。我虽不是什么professional critic, 但戏剧不就是要让大家都看得懂吗？也许我的文化素质不够深，所以会觉《生》不错看。：）

真的很高兴能看到这一场戏，灰色的幽默，office politics 太赞了。

剧中经典对白

• “李光耀的《新加坡故事》，从第三国到第一国，怎么会不在旅游区？”
  
• “我还没车开的时候，你就已经开上了BMW，等我好不容易买了二手的BMW，你已经开了Benz”
  
• “可不可以不要加班？我想回家陪我老婆。如果要加班也可以，加班费怎么算？”
  
• “你知道女人过了四十岁最怕的三件事情是什么吗？第一件事是过生日，第二件事是别人给她过生日，第三件是……惊喜！恭喜你们一次把这三件事都做到了……”
  

牛年 · 禁语

心想事成 ＝ 薪饷四成 （Pay cut to 40% of salary)

招财进宝 ＝ 遭裁禁饱  (Retrenched and cannot have a full meal)

财源滚滚 ＝ 裁员滚滚 (Retrenched and get lost)

哈哈，牛年幽默一下。新年快乐，身体健康，扭转乾坤！！

Another Year Older...

Well, 2009 came and it's already the end of January. Soon we''ll be ushering in the 牛 year...Hmm...overdose of the 牛 year greetings that I'm starting to feel irritated by it...so pardon me. No more moo year greetings from me.

Oh well, the year 2008, the year of Rat came and went so quickly that before I know it, it's coming to an end. And yes, been staying out for a year now...looking back on the times of getting the keys, reno and finally moving in before the Rat...it's soon the Ox...and still there are things a year ago that wasn't unpacked....haha...all the rubbish i carry with me...haha...I wonder when I'll ever get rid of the stuff....sentimental value or not...hahaha...Someone must be frowning and think..."Yah...karang guni man..." Haha

For the time being...Happy New Year lah!

Muffins Mania

Christmas 2008

My 1st Cheesecake

Senseless Persecution

Maybe I'm just totally ignorant politically or religiously, but the senseless persecution by the "Decaan Mujaheeden" is totally senseless, absurd and ridiculous to me. My heart goes out to the family of Ms. Lo. Not just because she is a Singaporean but more as she is a young person full of life and a future ahead ruined by this criminal style prosecution to be shot in the head and abdomen. The thoughts that went through her mind then...

Is this what they teach in whatever religious teachings? Exterminating the human race as their race and religion is superior than all other? Their "Almighty" told them that they are his loyal subjects of eternal life if they kill another person? May they crash and burn eternally.

May this serve as a reminder to us all that terrorism is closer to us than we think. Just because we always see the news about such events so far away and even though our hearts go to those affected by the senseless act, but this time it had killed a Singaporean. So terrorism is not in somebody's backyard anymore but it's really closer than we think...