《当我老了》 — 写给孩子的一封信

我老了，不再是原来的我。
请理解我，对我有一点耐心。

当我把菜汤洒到自己的衣服上时，
当我忘记怎样系鞋带时，
请想一想当初我是如何手把手地教你。

当我一遍又一遍地重复你早已听腻的话语，
请耐心地听我说，不要打断我。
你从小的时候，我不得不重复那个讲过千百遍的故事，
直到你进入梦乡。

当我需要你帮我洗澡时，请不要责备我。
还记得小时候我千方百计哄你洗澡的情形吗？

当我对新科技和新事物不知所措时，请不要嘲笑我。
想一想当初我怎样耐心地回答你的每一个“为什么”。

当我由于双脚疲劳而无法行走时，
请伸出你年轻有力的手搀扶我。
就像你小时候学习走路时，我扶你那样。

当我忽然忘记我们谈话的主题，请给我一些时间让我回想。
其实对我来说，谈论什么并不重要，
只要你能在一旁听我说，我就很满足。

当你看着老去的我，请不要悲伤。
理解我，支持我，就像你刚开始
学习如何生活时我对你那样。

当初我引导你走上人生的路，
如今请陪我走完最后的路。
给我你的爱和耐心，我会报以感激的微笑。
这微笑中凝结着我对你无限的爱。

文章择选自墨西哥《数字家庭》2004年11月号

Lame Musings - BenGay

Penetrating Pain Relief...better than KY.....

They also come with Deep Penetrating Pain Relief...hahaha

Broad Vision and a Narrow Mind

忘记．遗忘．回忆

忘记过往并不可怕
遗忘也须一定的勇气
但确害怕失去那仅存的回忆

人嘛，就是那么的矛盾......

Oosh or Oops?

绕梁一世

《天冷就回来》也已演完了19场，公然的在昨天落幕了。上星期看了那一场演出后，就一直想写一写自己的感觉，脑海里一直在想著："这一次，一定要以中文写！" 但就是一直跟自己喋喋不休的争个有的没的，然后就是一拖再拖。

真的很佩服杜国威能以梁文福的近35首歌曲铺排成一部可说是新加坡派的音乐剧。但如果和《我和春天有个约会》比较，我总觉得《天》就是还缺了一些...但又说不出来的什么。其实《天》并不是梁文福的第一出音乐剧，在1996年看了和叶良俊合作的《雨季》后就一直蛮期待能再看到下一部属于新加坡的华语音乐剧。虽然不像《雨》都是和叶良俊的原创音乐和歌曲，但能在《天》中以另一种方式来诠释伴我成长的新谣，的确给了我一些惊喜和感动，并让我重新了解一些歌词中的意义。不能不说梁文福的词曲真的很能不经意的将我们的情绪牵动。当然演员的努力，大家所付出的，都得到了满场的掌声与感动。

其实蛮惊讶的是一直都以为George Chan (田伟鸿)是一位舞蹈员和口操英语的舞台演员，所以当我在看到海报时，的确有点讶异，"华语leh!! 不要像May and Choy在《881》 這樣吧？ 倒想看一看他能在剧中会有怎样的演出。" 就在这样的心态下而决定买票的。但我真的是有眼不識O-yee-O! 哈哈哈！他那嘹亮而厚实的歌声的的确确的把我给慑服了。Joanna (董姿彥）的声音也有很吸引人的地方，带点英文腔但又不会有洋人味。她猫女郎的一举手，一投足和她水的肢体都让我吸引。但Rose 和阿乐的初遇，却给我像在《RENT》里Mimi和Roger初识的影子。

虽不是什么声乐专家，但大多演员们歌声的稳定度，有时真的会为他们捏一把冷汗... 對Sebastian Tan (陈瑞彪)的声音有点小小的失望，也许累了或也许和George的比较，他的声线就显得有点单薄。小演员们的有点难以控制, 资深演员(黄家强, 吴悦娟)和歌手(郑展伦)也再一次证明了姜还是老的辣！王欣在戏中的串场有点小小的遗憾。

林燮毅的可爱，也许是他的外型，一出场就很有comic feel。其实和燮毅有过那小小的认识，7年前在纽约通过朋友认识时就是那么圆圆的。还记得我的millenium就是在纽约和他与另三个朋友吃著饺子渡过的。当时就很喜欢纽约的生活，看燮毅在那儿主修声乐和另一位在那儿跳舞的女孩(想一想...那女孩好像就是郭劲红...郭宝崑的另一位千金...但不确定也想不起）那時好崇拜也羨慕他們，觉得他们都很勇敢，敢为自己的目标奋斗。所以当我看到燮毅在台上時，就好像看他们当时给我的感慨。Rose和成叔在纽约的奋斗，就好像在说著他们的故事。不知他们是否还记得我这位无名的过客。

天冷你就回来
别在风中徘徊
我猜我眼里有明白
还有一丝无奈
天冷他没回家
我仍然在等待
明天的雨点洒下来
那滋味就是爱

迷宫

现在是什么样的心情
自己也说不上来
也许想太多
也许是一直对生活都太执著

常问自己
到底心里想著什么
又在执著什么
我也无法说出口

只觉得好累好累
对生活开始没有太多的冲动
我真的也不想想太多

好想出去好好的出走
让自己好好的放松
是生活的牵绊
还是自我的束缚
就因我一直都想太多

我真的不想想太多
只要好好的放轻松

八八么 (Papaya) - 摇啊摇 - 发啦!!!

Hmm...trying not to don my movie critic hat at this hour of the night, but I guess it does not harm just to give my cents or two of the movie...even though I know practically no one really read my blog...hahah...

First and foremost, I must say I really did enjoy the movie quite a bit and leaving the cinema red eyed and red nosed *blush* Too emotional I told myself but I'm always a sucker for those tear jerking moments and sitting at the last row of the theatre with no one else helps...hahaha

[Spoiler Alert]

Frankly the main cast especially the girl power namely from Yeo Yann Yann 杨雁雁 (simply love her even more since Singapore Dreaming), Mindee Ong 王欣 (has seen her mature since her debut in the early idol times in the then TCS - I must say she was very impressive in the show) and lastly Liu Ling Ling 刘玲玲 (outdo her performance in any J-Team movie, though she left an impression in I Not Stupid) really propelled the show to be as entertaining and touching as it can be. Though I must say the supernatural element (歌台娘娘), the laser shooting bra and the 如来神掌 like duel between the payayas and the durians are somewhat stupidify the movie but somehow hilariously funny.

But I must say, I was not overly impress by 715's performance. I guess there were so much rave comments and accolades about his performance in the papers recently that I expected more than those pair of talking eyes. Hahaha...at times I don't even know if he is smiling during sad moments or sad during happy moments in the show. And do we need really to cast May and Choy as the Durian Sisters? Yes...they are gaining lots of attention in the Singapore media scene but they were really a pain to see on screen especially when they spout those lines in their nearly non existence mandarin.

However, I guess it was quite an interesting hokkien musical movie to watch. Really like the songs , the many impressive 歌台 costumes and the way Royston Tan handles his shots and good editing. The narration by Royston Tan himself never fails to impress since I first watched <<15>>. His voice has a certain magnetism and is able to draw out the inner feelings in you to flow with his narration. 感性之音?

Well, who says hokkien songs are "orbit" and "obiang"? I would say great job to Royston Tan for making a great film to pay tribute to our heritage, our tradition, our culture. Frankly I believe this film is also a tribute not only to 陈金浪 but also to the unsung heroes and heroines of the 七月歌台.

摇啊摇 - 发啦!!!

Sometimes a Bastard We Must Be

We have a vision for tomorrow
Just believe, just believe
We have a goal for Singapore
We can achieve, we can achieve

While exiting from ECP, how many times do I feel like a stupid fool queuing up behind the car on the right most lane to filter out into the connecting lane just to be nudged by some rude drivers on the left lane nonchalantly cutting into my lane as if it was their right to cut into the queue I'm in?

While boarding the bus, how many times do I feel like a stupid fool, patiently queuing up behind the next boarding passenger just to be nudged by some rude passenger (mostly
aunties) cutting into my queue as if I have to respect the old and give way to them?

While boarding the MRT, how many times do I feel like a stupid fool, patiently queuing up the at the side of the door just to be nudged by some rude passenger who nonchalantly stand right smack in the centre of the opening door forcing their way into the train or best still cutting in front of you because he/she is "courteously" letting the passenger alight from the train? Same goes to alighting the train, where someone stares right back at you as if why am I blocking their way boarding the train?!

I've already lost counts. So many times...I feel like an idiot and cursing at myself for queuing up while others just get their way. Well, quite true isn't it? I guess we have to be a bastard in life sometimes. Like the saying goes, if you can't beat them join them.

You and me, we'll do our part
Stand together, heart to heart
We're going to show the world what Singapore can be
We can achieve, we can achieve

Yeah...I think we can sure to achieve if we just do our part to be an ungracious society. Sometimes a Bastard we must be to get be happy.

Well, Happy Birthday Singapore!!

Moments

Dinner
"Come let's eat, thank you for working so hard for the family"

Was having dinner with my friends a week ago when I overheard this from the table next to ours. My head turned and found a family of six (mum, dad and their 4 kids) with their maid eating dinner. It brought a smile in me, to see the mum actually serving the maid the food on the table. It was already a heart warming moment to see a family treating their maid with dignity sharing the same food on the table. Then the kid (guess it was the eldest son) stood up and gave the maid a drumstick and mouthing a shy thank you to her. As Singaporeans get more and more effluent and coupled with the many cases of maid/foreign workers abuse, this really made an impression and definitely a moment for me to remember. The parents really showed the children that maids also need to be treated with pride and dignity.

Pandora's Box

害怕寂寞去爱没意义
因为无聊才爱更无趣

爱是温柔幻觉
一段换来心碎的抱抱

- 潘朵拉 张韶涵

Mask

We wear a mask for so long
We no longer remember the person we are underneath

Beneath this mask there's more than flesh
Beneath this mask there's an idea
And ideas are bulletproof

- V for Vendatta

Life Lessons and Sand Castle

To many, building a sand castle was a kiddy thing but this evening I had a life lesson just seeing a demo at the Sand Castle Corner (yeah...didn't know we had such corner...haha) near the Lagoon Hawker Centre in East Coast Parkway.

Yeah...as most typical Singaporean I was drawn by the crowd crowding around the Sand Castle Corner and I saw this uncle teaching the kids, maids and parents how to build sand castles. First impression, sales talk trying to sell his sand castle building equipment...Second impression, some ex-army (his tone was like a RSM) guy trying to make a living. Third impression, a teacher of life lessons (only to find out later that he gives motivational talks and the creator and patenter of the "Ang Ku Kueh" Sand Castle Builder).

As I stood there listening to him, I was impressed...no doubt his constant taunting of the Singapore education system and how Singaporean kids are pampered and different with the Ang-Mo kids struck a string in me...the more I listen to him the more impressed I was of him pricking at the very fact of life.

"Ideas without action is worthless"
"I don't know, let's try it to see if it works"
"Getting your hands dirty and try it out is more important than standing there to look at what I'm doing"

Probably these are not his exact words but the gist of it. I was really quite impress how he can make sand castle building into a lesson of life especially to the crowd of kids.

Really never judge a book by its cover and you'll never know in some corner of this little red dot...who knows there is always a teacher hidden somewhere where one can learn a life lesson or two.

Civil Civilities

Sentiments Libéraux

Est-ce que je suis trop libéral avec mes sentiments?

J'espère pas
J'espère pas

Je ne peux pas attendre pour me réveiller demain
Et trouvez dehors cette promesse est vrai
Je ne devrais jamais aller de nouveau au jour avant vous

Numbing Rumblings 2007

So many times
Lingering in my thoughts
I want to know the reason behind it all
Demanding to make the pain and hurt go away

But each time the struggle gets harder and harder
Was it pride?
Fear?
Or was it resentment?

Let it be
Let it just whither and die
Not wanting to ruffle its feathers
But this time it took a longer time

Lie still
Blankly...Quietly...Peacefully

Waiting to be reanimated back into life...

速食爱情

速食愛情 到底是什麼東西
昨天的甜言蜜語
今天就感情不再

到底有什麼道理
是自尊
是執著
是遺憾
是害怕寂寞
是愛得太深
所以我 傷得更重

相爱无梦

一个过活 盼抱着情人
一对过活 又挂念谁人
到了话要分开 你我尚有恻隐
又再探听对方新闻
即使一起貌合却若神离
分隔两地日夜挂着愁眉
再各自结新欢 却暗地拿你去比较
现有的始终偏袒你

﹣ 張智霖

空白

独自坐著
面对著萤光屏
凝视著 空白

寂静的夜渐渐的亮了
传来的鸟鸣 确扫不去那片空白
一切都在甦醒中
疲惫的身影 确不曾熟睡

爱．倦怠

我以为我已把手轻轻放开
让失落的心 慢慢的释怀
但我却还沉迷在那不再的未来

伤还未癒合 心碎的感觉 还那么的熟悉
牵你的手仍有余温 但已感觉到你渐渐退去的热情

是累了吗？还是已经没有了感觉？
还爱我吗？还是已经厌倦？

真的不想醒来 面对你对爱情的倦怠